I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
