I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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