captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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