am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
