shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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