She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
