Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
