sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize