Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
