Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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