her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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