You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
