Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
