my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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