Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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