he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
