We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize