70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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