ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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