areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
