I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
