Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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