I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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