I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
