I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
