I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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