I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
