Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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