in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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