if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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