Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
