dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
