I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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