Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Enjoy the penises
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
