OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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