3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
