i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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