I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
