I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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