i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
