he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
