thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
