turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
