Where is the hickey?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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