Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dicks are not precious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
