Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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