at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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