I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
