I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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