Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
