I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
