Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
