help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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