I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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