Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come see our sink grown plant.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
