My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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