You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
