Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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