wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
