i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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