STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just pee around me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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