You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
