You really coming over, don't trick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
