I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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