Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
