i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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