Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You need Xanax blowdarts
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize