You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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