Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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