too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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