the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
