There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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