Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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